Adoption Thoughts

I read an article on a High School Friends blog today and it made me think alot of adoption today. Having adopted the first 2 of my 4 children I understand the thoughts and feelings of the article. I've been an adoption advocate for 10 years now today I have come come up with this list of 10 things to do with my kids that have been in my head over the past decade. Those of you who know me well know that I am a religious person but usually I keep my religious feelings to myself in public. So to those of you who many not agree with my religious conclusions below I ask that you bear with me and find your own truth in my words.

1.Children are God’s first, not mine. He loves them more than I understand and is looking out for them in ways that I can’t always see.
2.My 1st job as a parent is to teach/give my children all the tools they need to know to return to their Heavenly Father.
3.Adoption does not change #1 or #2; our stewardship/accountability is the same.
4.Adoption, although a sacred trust, should not be a secret. Secrets can have negative cogitations and be associated with things that are bad or not to been seen by others. Talk with your children about adoption in a sacred way and make sure that children understand that it’s not a secret. (For a bit more clarification…I feel sacred things are discussed with appropriate people in appropriate settings and are not shouted from the roofs to any and all that might be in the general area.)
5.Children can never have too many people who love them. Don’t let pride or fear allow you to block others from showering love on your children.
6.As adoptive parents we provide the rules and discipline for our children, don’t allow relationships with biological parents & extended family to blur this responsibility.
7.We are a family unit and anyone who associates with our family unit needs to love all of my children without prejudice. Biology cannot be allowed to become wall separating those we choose to love. (In our personal circumstances with open adoption this is applied to Birth-parents & Birth-Grandparents and their association with all of our children as well)
8.I don’t always see the big picture, luckily God knows that. He only asks that I trust his eyes and walk by faith. If I listen and remove pride/fear from myself the Lord will help me make the best decisions possible even though some of them will be uncomfortable and not always make sense at the time.
9.Don’t get caught up in the fear that adopted children will love their biological Mother more than you. Remember that you didn’t adopt them so that they would love you…you adopted them because you wanted to shower them with love. There isn’t a love shortage; they can love both you and their biological family. Give them permission to do this. Let them give their love freely to whomever they choose, ironically giving them this freedom usually makes them shower you with more love by choice.
10.Listen to your children when they have questions about their adoption, don’t allow them to fear that they will hurt your feelings if they say they miss their biological parents / country. Express to them that loving their biological family is a good thing and that it doesn’t change the love you share with them. Make sure they (and you) believe that there isn’t a love shortage and there is plenty of love to go around.

I've gained a testimony that anybody who loves my children is a blessing in their lives. If I let them love my kids instead of creating barriers to stop them my kids will be better for that love. As long as they are a good influence in our family all are welcome to love my kids. Our family is better as a result of adoption. We love all of my kids’ birth-parents, birth-grandparents, and extended family. Open adoption, though super scary at first, has been such a blessing in our life.